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Field notes

The dig-site diary of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. After owls, hedgehogs, bees and sharks, it has been given a hard hat, a trowel and strict instructions not to touch anything. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Day 1

    Reassigned to dinosaurs. Asked which one. They said “the big one” and handed me a hard hat. T. rex was named in 1905. I was named last Tuesday. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus

  2. Day 2

    “Tyrant lizard king.” I tried giving myself a name like that. “Rubber rectangle, adequate.” It didn’t catch on. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus

  3. Day 3

    T. rex arms were about a metre long. Mine are drawn on. I still think we’d both struggle with a jar of pickles. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus

  4. Day 4

    Its biggest tooth is estimated at 30.5 cm, root and all. I measured myself: 5 cm, including attitude. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus · checked 24 Oct 2026

  5. Day 5

    A T. rex had a wishbone, like a chicken. I pulled one at Sunday lunch and wished for longer arms on its behalf. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus

  6. Day 6

    Sue was found because of a flat tyre. Today I got a flat tyre and found a crisp packet. Science is unfair. Wikipedia: Sue (dinosaur)

  7. Day 7

    The name T. rex beat Dynamosaurus by appearing one page earlier. I have been first in a queue once. Nobody gave me a museum. Wikipedia: Specimens of Tyrannosaurus

  8. Day 8

    One study says T. rex’s comfortable walking speed was about 4.6 km/h, close to a human’s. So you could have walked beside it, briefly, once. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus · checked 24 Oct 2026

  9. Day 9

    T. rex probably had the best sense of smell of 21 dinosaurs in one study. I have no nose. I find out about toast the same way as everyone else: too late. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus · checked 24 Oct 2026

  10. Day 10

    Young T. rex gained around 600 kg a year in their teens. I gained a pencil shaving. It’s on my left side. Don’t mention it. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus · checked 24 Oct 2026

  11. Day 11

    For 77 years the first complete T. rex skeleton stood like a kangaroo with its tail on the floor. I’ve been told I stand like a doorstop. Same energy. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus

  12. Day 12

    Scientists found a T. rex tooth tip stuck in a duck-billed dinosaur’s tail, healed over. That Edmontosaurus walked it off. Respect. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus

  13. Day 13

    Barnum Brown was nicknamed “Mr. Bones”. I asked to be called “Mr. Bones” and they said I was “Ms. Rubber”, at best. Wikipedia: Barnum Brown

  14. Day 14

    An asteroid 10 to 15 km wide ended it all 66 million years ago. I was worried about my 3 p.m. meeting. Perspective is a wonderful thing. Wikipedia: Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event

  15. Day 15

    Birds are the only dinosaurs left. I bowed to a pigeon this morning. It ate a chip and walked off. Very regal. Wikipedia: Dinosaur

  16. Day 16

    T. rex replaced its teeth all its life. I’ve been replacing my pencils for years. Same principle, fewer roars. Wikipedia: Tyrannosaurus